This post is not about mommy’s war, stay at home mother vs working mother. This is about concentrating on the positive side only, about me trying to count the blessings I have in my life. Because no matter how good our life is, if we keep comparing, if we keep looking at things from a negative perspective, we will never find peace and happiness in life.
Life is crazy, it is true. As human, we tend to see other people happiness as a threat. We get jealous. Even when we say we are not. But deep down in the heart, the grass on the other side of the fence is always greener. It is so human.
Of course I want to be that incredible working mother who can pull it off together. Three to four small children growing up smart and gentle people. I envy my husband getting away with all the messy works at home by going to work, then later at night enjoying coffee with friends at a nice cafe that serve my favorite crème brulee latte as I put the kids who insist on sleeping later.
Yet I choose to stay at home, to be with my kids. As Aung San Suu Kyi once said,
“If you choose to do something, then you shouldn’t say it’s sacrifice, because nobody force you to do it.”
Instead of judging working moms and finding fault in my husband, I write down my gratitude list that I get in daily basis as a stay at home mom. Yeah, gratitude is the queen of happiness. And happiness in life is appreciating small things that happen to you. Via Psyblog, “Research finds that our happiness is predicted better by the details of our everyday lives than it is by our overall life circumstances. In other words happiness comes from the small pleasure in life.”
Staying at home, taking care of my little ones, whose body full of energy, life sparkle with curiosity, and never ending chaos is like everyday mayhem. House scattered with toys, books, coloring pencils and without I realize it they already jumping on the bed I just made, throwing pillows. These does not include fighting and arguing over little things.
Studies by Robert A. Emmons, a psychology professor at UC Davis, show that people who focus on what they are grateful for have better emotional well being especially a positive mood. Read More Here…
Here is my list:
- The Milestone
I won’t miss the milestone. Kids grow fast, in the blink of an eye they turn from that 3kg baby to three years old. I am happy I was there when they first walked those small steps, saying their first words and expressions they made when they first tasted orange. Seeing their developments that only happened once in their lifetime.
2. The compliments.
Even when I only make them scramble egg and cheese, they will say, “Mommy, you are very good at cooking!” Can you think of someone that will say the same to what you just serve them?
Have you ever heard people say you look so beautiful earnestly even when you only put old flowery t-shirt and they wished they would look like you?
I do a little silly dance then I heard someone say, ‘Mommy! You are so cool!’
Kids have pure heart, full of honesty and talk frankly. In their eyes, I am always pretty amazing at whatever I do. Scramble egg and cheese, anyone?
- Have Time To Play
Kids love to play, I do too. Playing increase creativity and intelligence. Open imagination and teach empathy. From bakadesuyo,”Play creates new neural connections and test them. it creates an arena for social interaction and learning. It creates low risk format for finding and developing innate skills and talents”.
- Everyday Is a Holiday!
We go out for an adventure, a little nature walk, spend half day swimming and play at the park. Raining? We stay in bed, read books, watch dvds and cuddling all day long.
- I Set The Rules.
Rules to follow: a) Mommy is always right. b) If mommy is wrong, go back to rule a. Yes, because mommy has been there before, being kids, now she is a grown up, she knows better.
I have control over everything in the house. What to eat. Who eat whats. When to watch. What to watch. Tired? I can just put Disney channel on and enjoy coffee while browse instagram, editing pictures or read my favorite book. Research say, “people with a sense of control in their lives, in both career and relationship, were 66 percent more likely to report feeling happy and satisfied.
And I got to say NO too.
Warren Buffet say, ‘The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.’
- They Sleep, I sleep.
Is it nap time already? Napping in our house is a must, otherwise someone will get cranky in the afternoon. My kids nap for two hours the most and they never sleep less than an hour. I gladly take this time for a short nap myself and do some chores afterward.
Research from the University of California, Berkeley, shows that an hour’s nap can dramatically boost and restore your brain power. Indeed, the finding suggest that a biphasic sleep schedule not only refreshes the mind but also can make you smarter.
- Plenty of Loves, Kisses and Hugs.
Who dares to kiss you ‘almost’ 24 hours a day when you are married?
Kissing also releases oxytocin, which is the same when a woman breast-feed her baby. This hormone is partly responsible for the connection and comfort that mothers and babies share with each other.
My son, a very sweet 5 years old, would say, ‘I want to tell you something, don’t get mad ok?’ ‘Ok’, I would say. He leaned forward and whispered ‘I love you’ in my ears and planted a deep long kiss on my cheeks. And he does it almost everyday.
- I Can Totally Be Myself.
Be silly, be weird, put pyjamas all day long. Have a lazy day. Do not take things seriously. Children never judge. If they do, do not take it seriously, even if they say it with total honesty. After all, they are still children.
- I learn To Be a Better Person.
There is a saying, spend time with good people so you will be good.
Milk spilt, broken plates, drawing on the wall. Who can get mad? Even as adult, those kind of things happen to me.
They also teach me how to be patient. Remember when you are just making pancakes and they want to help mixing the batter? We said yes and it turned out to be the longest, messiest pancake you have ever made. Those happen to me in many occasions. But at least they are eager to help.
- They Never Leave Me Alone.
I went in the bathroom, doing my things. Then, “mommy?!!”
I have learnt, in my seven years experience as a mother happiness in children begins at their parents. If parents are not happy, do not expect your kids to be happy. You will spend your whole day in a bad mood day. First, you are not happy, then your kids get cranky, you handle with an upsetting attitude, then the kids cry, you get mad, and its night time already.
Since what I do is being at home, I have to find the entire source that will make my days better, eliminate my stress and make me a happy person.
“The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own home” -Harold B. Lee