So I have decided today I am going to spend my morning time writing. I get my coffee ready, open my laptop and stare at the blank white screen. I sip my coffee. I still stare. The screen still blank. And it is staring at me too. Just a typical day for writer. Especially when you are new with the situation. Yet I heard even the professional also stare at their screen once in a while. So I am not alone.
The word is there. At the tip of my throat. Waiting for me to spit it out through my finger. Yet the coffee has not kick in yet, what am I to do?
I write down some words. It does not feel right. That is not how I want it to be written. And that is not how I imagine it would be like. I stop. Stare again at the screen. This time I can see some words I have written. That will do. It is ok for now.
A thought coming in, I am thinking about what Haruki Murakami wrote in his book, Kafka On the Shore, the line goes like this, ‘Silence, I discover, is something you can actually hear.’ And as I sit staring at the screen, I realize I am alone at home. It is so quite. I pay more attention to the stillness I am in, and I can hear things that surround me.
From the distance I hear dogs barking. Cars passing by from the main road not far from here. The sun is so hot outside making the cracking sounds in the roof. Here and there the wooden wall creak.
I stand up. I need break. Just to relax my muscle. I am far behind my husband in jogging miles so I jogged ten kilometers today. It feels good and tired at the same time, but I love the feeling after I completed it. The satisfaction. The fact that I can do what I could not even imagine before. I know it is still small step. Comparing it to others who have done marathons. However I am pretty sure they start from nothing too. Just like me. Just like us who are trying to get better at whatever we are doing everyday. Because whatever we are doing, we have to start somewhere. There is always a beginning at things we do. Then we can reach our goal.
I sit down in front of my computer again. I like the progress I have made. It is not much. But I am on my way. I am happy I win my battle. Battle against second priority, or not a priority at all. I did what matters to me first. The most important thing. The thing I want to become. The thing I am. Which is a writer. What does a writer do? They write. For the sake of writing.